


time is not on my side

by buddhaghost



Series: time is my sculptor [2]
Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020), The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Ben Hargreeves Centric, Found Family Vibes, casual murder (non-graphic), except immortality, immortality not always fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:14:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26931967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buddhaghost/pseuds/buddhaghost
Summary: Ben isn’t sure what’s happening to him.He supposes that after literal eons of existence, the lines that dictate the rules of reality become a bit… blurred.---a continuation from 'time is a clever invention'. Five's rescue from Ben's POV
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves & Everyone, Number Five | The Boy & Ben Hargreeves
Series: time is my sculptor [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1965142
Comments: 21
Kudos: 144





	time is not on my side

**Author's Note:**

> not exactly proof-read, please let me know if there are any mistakes.

Ben isn’t sure what’s happening to him.

He supposes that after literal eons of existence, the lines that dictate the rules of reality become a bit… blurred.

He sees it in the way that the light doesn’t bend around him the same way it bends around real, corporeal objects. In the way that things seem to move past him in slow motion one moment, and then the next, he’ll blink and open his eyes to completely changed environments, months passing in the matter of milliseconds. In the way that he looks at people, at human beings with lives and families and desires and fears but can only think of how their existence is like a flickering candle, flame warbling and at risk of being blown out with one wrong move.

Ben goes to sleep and when he wakes up, ten years have gone by.

He’s not sure what he is anymore; some behemoth of time, a creature no longer defined by the laws of reality. Untouched by the fundamental truth of _whatever can be created can be destroyed_.

He’s not sure if he’s human, anymore. Not even sure if he ever _was_ human.

For a time, at the beginning, Ben knows he must’ve been. He was born, had had a mother and a father. Maybe even siblings. The memory of what he’d been, at the beginning, is impossible to recollect. Like a star trying to remember when it was just a cloud of dust, a cluster of insignificant atoms.

So, Ben doesn’t try to remember. He drifts. There are moments of clarity, where he is present and time is his friend, rather than his enemy. He learns how to use a computer, then learns how to build a better once. The creation of smart technology has been exciting, something so unlike anything Ben has experienced before, that it is enough to keep him in the present for some time. A few years, perhaps. He greatly enjoys the dark web, finds it endlessly amusing.

Then, he masters it. And the world moves around him, fast and slow and everything in between. The interest is lost. He finds a spot in a forest to sit, and watches a tree grow from a young sapling to a strong, sturdy oak in a matter of minutes. There is no limit to what he can endure.

Then, he gets the vision. The boy, with a soul destined to be ageless and a spirit destined for fighting, snarling as immortality takes him in one fell swoop. As two humans, painfully vulnerable simply due to their mortal lives, capture him, arrogant in their ignorance.

The boy’s face is unfamiliar, but the sight of it jolts through Ben, lighting his nerve endings like he’s a glacier with a fire burning at his center, slowly but surely coursing outwards, expanding until he can _feel_ again.

With the boy’s face come others, faces that Ben knows, faces that have slipped from his mind like water trickling through fingers. And with those faces come names. Allison. Luther. Diego. Klaus. And the youngest one, Vanya. The names hold weight, hold some sense of reverence as he goes over them in his mind.

Ben rises. The house, a wooden structure deep within a forest in a country he no longer recognizes, has decayed around him. His body, which should be dust if it were to truly reflect his age, doesn’t even protest, even though Ben suspects he’s been stationary for some time now.

He goes to the mirror, wipes the grime from it. A smooth, unlined face gazes back at him, nearly hidden by dirt and facial hair. Ben brings a hand to his face, watches as his reflection does the same. This is his body, his face. He can barely recognize himself.

After a shower, a lengthy haircut, and a shave, Ben goes to the trunk at the end of the bed, which he doesn’t recall ever laying in, which is little more than a moth-chewed heap of blankets, and dresses himself in an age-softened hoodie and an extremely worn pair of pants. His mind has one thing on it: the boy.

Ben knows how this works; as the oldest, he has to. Because at the beginning, he was alone. Until he saw Allison, shot through with an arrow to her chest, come gasping back to life.

He doesn’t remember how he found her, only that he did, eventually. And then they found Luther, and Klaus, and Diego, and Vanya. Not always together, but when they were…

The manor. Is that still standing? Ben isn’t sure.

He goes to a lock box, lugs it out from the corner it’s been sitting in, gathering dust. Opens it up, pulls out the mammoth-sized laptop settled inside, the one he made himself a few years ago. Powers it up. By some miracle it works, blinking to life slowly. As Ben watches the screen power on, he feels himself coming back. Like puzzle pieces slotting themselves together, like someone poured a hot cup of _him_ back into the empty shell that had been his body.

Fingers type codes that Ben doesn’t remember writing, but they still do what they were intended to do.

His family is together. He sees traces of Vanya throughout the dark web, and a faint flicker of pride wells up in him. He follows her steps, finds Five. _That’s_ the boy’s name? While Ben may not be able to remember his birth name, he’s pretty confident it wasn’t a number. Is that… in style now? Has society changed so much to the point where people are known by their numbers, rather than names?

Ben wouldn’t be surprised. But rather than letting himself dwell on it, he forges forwards in his attempt to catch up on all that he’s missed.

Time passes differently for Ben these days, and the black hole of the internet is no exception. When he looks up next, the sky is dark, splattered with stars, though he could’ve sworn it was morning a moment ago. Regardless, he’s found what he needs.

The boy is in a facility a day’s trip away from the house. Ben knows his siblings have seen the same thing, have also figured out where the newest of them is. He knows they’re probably rallying to go get him, planning to stage a rescue like no other.

And because Ben knows his family, he plans to leave immediately.

Navigating the outside world is like riding a bike. Ben moves like a ghost; hood up, sunglasses on. It’s second nature to have his face angled away from security cameras, anything that could capture a record of him. He slips from bus doors to train cars to appropriated cars, ignoring everyone and everything except for the buzzing beneath his skin and the tug that he feels, deep within him, drawing him to the boy.

The facility is just what he expects; large and surrounded by a tall wire fence with cameras everywhere. _UA Genetics_ stamped on the side in smart lettering. Ben walks in the front door.

Finding Five is a matter of following the tugging in his sternum. Ben can’t explain it, has never talked to his siblings about it, but he knows that there is a reason he can sense the others. Like something inside him is calling out, trying to find its match. Like recognizes like.

The killing is easy, insignificant. People get in his way and Ben disposes of them. He used to regret it, feel sick when he took a life, but it’s become second nature. Part of him wants to do it. Part of him _likes_ it.

The boy is located in the center of the building, through a maze of doors and guards and cameras. Ben is a force moving through the facility; men and women in lab coats fall to the ground moments after he encounters them. He doesn’t see the two people who abducted Five in the first place, but they are the last things on his mind right now.

More and more, Ben feels himself coming back from wherever it is that he recedes into, the place that allows months to pass in a single heartbeat, years to pass in the moment when he closes his eyes to sleep. This boy, the reminder of his family; it’s doing something. Ben feels more present than he has in ages.

Finally, the boy. Ben clears the room, drags the bodies quickly and efficiently. Five is laying on a medical table, restraints pinning his arms, legs and middle, effectively making him immobile. There’s an IV in the crook of his arm. Ben doesn’t let himself look around at the various devices throughout the room, not wanting to see what the boy has been subjected to. Not trusting himself to remain calm if he did.

Ben approaches the boy quickly. He’s out of it, eyes dazed and blinking slowly, mouth moving but no words coming out. Ben feels a pang – he loves his family, but they weren’t fast enough to save this boy from days of torture.

He leans over the boy, and the thing inside him _sings_ , glad to be reunited. That’s when Five’s eyes focus suddenly, taking in Ben above him as Ben regards him with the same intensity.

“I’m here to get you out,” Ben says, words feeling foreign on his tongue. His voice sounds strange to his own ears – smooth and young and strong. He can’t remember the last time he’s spoken out loud.

The boy blinks languidly, shaking his head slowly, and closes his eyes again.

“Wake up,” Ben urges. The boy blinks his eyes open again, staring at Ben with a dazed expression.

Ben wants to smack himself once he realizes the boy is obviously drugged out of his mind. Moving quickly, he grabs the IV and removes it from the boy’s arm, then efficiently releases the bindings before leaning back over Five’s face.

“Get up,” he says. Five just stares at him.

Was it always this hard, getting a new sibling? Ben doesn’t think so. Allison had been the first, he’d found her in a temple in the mountains, the pull in his gut leading him over rivers and seas until they’d united. Luther was much the same; they pulled his body from a shipwreck, watched as he jerked back to life, spewing seawater from his lungs. They’d found Klaus in a temple as well, surrounded by worshippers who’d witnessed his first escape from death. Diego had been a fluke; murdered by Luther, only to turn around and stab Luther right back, and Vanya, well, Ben hadn’t been present for Vanya’s rescue, but in meeting her afterwards, he was pretty sure she wasn't as difficult as this kid was.

Maybe it’s because he was so young. Ben takes in the deep bags beneath the boy’s eyes, the gauntness of his cheeks, the sickly pallor. He looks like he could use a hot shower and a decade’s worth of sleep.

Ben only feels a little bad as he empties a cup of water over the boy’s face.

The boy reacts immediately, violently cringing as he bursts upwards, gasping for air. Ben steps back and watches as the boy figures out where he is, what happened. A strange series of emotion course through him as he watches the boy curl inwards on himself, trembling slightly as his hand presses against his chest, as if feeling for a heartbeat. Ben feels a surge of protectiveness wash over him, and the sensation is so equally familiar yet unfamiliar that he is momentarily taken aback.

It takes only a few moments for Five to contain whatever reaction was caused by the water, and soon, the boy’s piercing eyes are on him. Slowly, Ben pushes the emotions down, letting the familiar emptiness take over. He can’t afford to get attached, to let this boy get attached. Not when Ben doesn’t know how long he’ll be present for. No, what he needs to do is bring the boy to his siblings and leave.

Action has always helped Ben. Keeps the press of time at bay.

“You’re like me,” the boy says. Ben smiles, or at least, he thinks he does.

“Yes. Now you need to get going. The rest of the family will be here soon.” Last he’d checked, at least, they were on their way.

Five swings his legs over and stands, knees buckling almost immediately. Ben refrains from lunging forwards to catch the boy, instead watches as Five supports himself on the table, undoubtedly in agony after days of mistreatment.

“Family?” The boy is trying his best to conceal his pain, but his eyes shine bright with it. “What family? You mean the others? What about the Handler?”

Ben isn’t sure who the Handler is. He ignores Five’s questions. “Can you walk?” He asks. “And yes, the others. Your family. They’ll explain everything.” In the back of Ben’s head is a voice telling him that used to be _his_ role, the explainer, the one who welcomed each sibling. The one who _made_ them a family. Who realized that in an immortal life, relationships were vital for survival.

Maybe that’s why he’s not surviving anymore.

Five is still staring at him, eyes getting clearer by the second. Ben is impressed by his resilience. “Where am I supposed to go? What about you?”

Enough of this. Ben is thrumming with the energy of his self-imposed mission, of getting Five somewhere safe, where he can meet up with the rest of their siblings. Time is his friend right now. He moves forwards and grabs Five’s arm, pulling it over his shoulder as he supports Five’s weight and more-or-less carries him towards the door. Five is remarkably lanky, but noticeably light. Ben can feel the boy trembling against him.

“I’ll take you where you need to go,” Ben says. He has a place in mind, and a plan for how to contact Vanya, let her know the boy has moved. For where he’ll go, afterwards, and let time consume him again. “But I can’t stay.”

“Who _are_ you?” The boy manages to ask.

Ben smiles. The expression is coming easier, the more time he spends with the boy. “I’m Ben.”

He takes Five to a nearby church, outside of the busier part of town. It’s been closed for years now. Ben deposits the boy at the altar. Five hisses as Ben lowers him as gently as he can manage.

“So, what now?” Five asks, looking up at Ben with eyes glazed over in pain. “You just abandon me? Why did you even bother coming for me in the first place?”

Ben looks up from where he’d been fiddling with a mobile device that he’d plucked from a body back at the facility. Vanya has been alerted; the rest of the family should be on their way.

“I used to –” Ben starts, then stops. Watches as dust motes float softly through the air. A long moment passes, and he blinks, looking back at the boy, who is watching him with a strange expression. “It’s my job. As the first.”

The boy leans forwards, looking interested. “The first? The first what?”

Ben doesn’t look at him as he answers. “You know what. The first immortal.”

The boy doesn’t even have the gall to look surprised. “Then why aren’t you with the others? Why’d you come alone?”

Ben can’t explain it, can’t explain how time weighs so heavily on his bones at times that he sits down and doesn’t rise again for months, how a calendar year can pass in a single breath. Ben was around before the calendar was invented, when time was nothing more than the rising and setting of the sun. He can’t explain how he’s certain that he’s pushing the limits of what is allowed, that someday, time will simply consume him.

So he doesn’t. He knows that his family is close, can feel it deep within him. But he can also feel time rearing its head, and no amount of purpose or desire can keep him from folding beneath it.

“I have to go,” Ben says, finally looking back at the boy. At Five. His brother. The youngest of them. Destined to forever be a child, even when the time comes that his body is screaming that he is older than anything on this earth. Ben prays that the boy won’t feel this way for a long, long time. “They’ll be here soon. Allison will explain everything.”

All at once, his heart pangs for his siblings. What he would give to touch them, to be held by them. But as quickly as the emotion comes, it is washed out. He is starting to lose feeling in his fingers.

“Where are you going to go?” The boy asks, trying to sound like he couldn’t care less. Ben can hear the concern that Five is trying to hide.

Ben shrugs. The movement feels like it lasts a lifetime. He’s sinking. “Anywhere,” he says, already casting his mind out, trying to plan where to go, where he can rest.

The boy is silent. It’s time to go. Ben turns to leave.

“Will I see you again?” The boy asks. Hesitant.

Ben turns to him, memorizing the face. The dimples. The calculating eyes. The pain etched into every feature. Lets the face take residence in his mind, locks it in with the others. He will see them again, he decides. He’ll do whatever it takes to get back to his family.

“Count on it,” Ben manages, and leaves before he is lost to time.

Sometime later, he’s in a safe house, an apartment in a high-end part of a nearby city. It’s been in his possession since the building was built, and there is a strict don’t-ask, don’t-tell policy that applies to all residents. Ben locks the door behind him, walks over to the chair by the window, and sinks into it.

It’s nighttime, and the city twinkles beautifully beneath him. Ben feels the numbness rising within him, and focuses his gaze on the moon, on the clear night sky. Draws forth the images of his family, pictures their faces with as much clarity as he can manage.

Ben blinks, and it is daytime, the city shining, covered in snow.

He blinks again, and it is gray, raining harshly. The snow is long gone.

“Allison,” Ben forces out of numb lips. “Klaus. Luther. Diego. Vanya. Five.” He repeats the names, a mantra. It’s not enough to pull him from time’s confines, but it’s enough to keep a piece of him there, awake, as the world moves around him.

For his family, he will come back. He has to. But for now, he closes his eyes, lips still moving over the names as time pulls him down.

**Author's Note:**

> this goes out to all of you who commented on my previous work asking about Ben... I'd honestly not planned to write anything more but then I wondered to myself 'what IS up with Ben??' and wrote this. thank you all for inspiring me:')
> 
> basically, what I understood from The Old Guard (spoiler alert) is that it's possible for an immortal to lose their immortality when another one shows up? I didn't really want that to happen, so switched things a bit. Things still get a little wonky for immortal beings; time starts to affect them a little differently.
> 
> I would love to hear what you think!!! please feel free to drop a comment or a kudo if inspired:)


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